Career, Change, Children, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships, Uncategorized

BUSTING THROUGH BULLYING

Bullying is not a new behavior. It is as old as time and it does not seem to matter where you are, if you look round you can see some type of bullying. Whether that be on the school yard, in a family, or at work. The dictionary describes bullying as: use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. I describe it as a person whose heart is hurt. Here are 5 ways you can help yourself and others, regardless of age, handle bullies.
You must first understand your energy. Everything is energy and there is something in your energy that you are giving off that allows you to be a target for being mistreated. The best news about this is, that you can change that. I will share with you some ways how to do that.

1 Confidence has a big part to play here. Chances are you have felt that for some reason you are not enough. Because you do not fit into the norm, you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. Write a list of all the things that make you “different” then beside that write down the best parts about each of those things.

2 Love and forgiveness are essential when dealing with a bully. Not just for yourself, but for the other person. The bully is bullying you to take the pressure and attention off of them. The problem is when we are scared or even hate them, it lowers our vibration and weakens our energy. People are either calling for love or giving love. The problem is so many are unskilled at their calling for love. Try sending a mental prayer to the bully. When we hold hate, we have to be on guard of it. It takes our time, our attention and our energy. This simple intention will shift your energy and confidence. Even the bully has a story and although it is not right what they are doing, by sending love it shifts both of your energy. Remember, you may be the first person that has shown them compassion.
Example: I do not like the way you behave and it is not right. Your heart must be broken. I wish for healing for you. (said in your mind)

3 No one can make you feel any way in which you do not give them permission to make you feel. It is as if you have a crystal within your heart and when someone is mean to you and you feel sad because of it, it is only because you have allowed that other person to have power over you. You have allowed them to have your crystal. Mentally take your crystal back, knowing that no one can get to you when your crystal is home in your heart.

4 – 1-2-3 Rule – Follow this basic guideline.
Step 1, ask the person to stop
Step 2, tell an adult, if you are an adult, share what is happening with another person. Shame and blame love secrets and they grow in environments of silence. Share what is going on, with a trusted friend, family member or a counselor.
Step 3 – Stand up for yourself. We know physical violence is not the answer, however there are other ways to stand up to someone.

5 – Remember this is happening for a higher purpose. Help someone else. You know how it feels to be bullied. When you see someone else who is sad, angry, upset, lend a hand, an ear, or a shoulder. What you have experienced is not wasted. You have been chosen to experience it so that you can help others.
You are stronger then you will ever know. You are smarter than most and your heart is big and beautiful. The world needs you to shine, so don’t let someone with a hurt heart dim your light. Rise above and become someone they can aspire to be. Remember, maybe they have not had the guidance to be bright and loving. Maybe they are being bullied. None of that makes it ok. Compassion is one of the best healers and confidence builder.

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Change, Children, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships, Uncategorized

How To Raise A Confident Daughter

A Confident Daughter!

As I watch young girls today, I remember how it felt to be going through the changes, the insecurities, and the feeling of being invisible. I do not recall the age I started to loose my confidence, looking back I just thought it was something I never had.
What can we do as mothers to help these beautiful souls through this transition time, the transition to unconditional self-love?
Here are 5 ways I have found very useful. I hope they are to you as well.

1 I have noticed that young girls talk, and they talk a lot, about nothing necessary in particular. They need to give you every single detail and play by play. Does your daughter ever come up to you while you are texting, or sending an email and just start to talk? They talk and talk and they know you are not 100% listening. I can only imagine what that is telling their little brains. (No one really wants to hear what I have to say. What I say is not important.) The list must go on and on. The problem is we as parents and them as children are not even aware of it.

When you are doing something and she comes up and starts talking, turn to her and say, “What you have to say is very important, you do not have my full attention right now. Can you please wait a moment and I will let you know when you do have my full attention. “Finish what you are doing and then sit down with her and ask her about the 5 most important parts of the story. That is if you don’t have time to hear the entire thing.

2 Provide as much one on one time with your young lady. It does not have to be an entire day, but if it is, enjoy as the things you can learn from her are amazing. Even if you just have 15 minutes a day to hang out, read and do something she enjoys. Just ensure she gets all of your attention during that time.

3 Most of the time, your daughters are going to turn into a little mini you. When they talk, or laugh, or wine, or do anything people may say.. oh you are just like your mom. In those minutes PLEASE own your awesomeness. There is nothing to be embarrassed about here. She is a beautiful, untainted reflection of your spirit. As you love her unconditionally, you must love yourself unconditionally.
4 It is important to separate our daughters from their actions. For example, never say to your child, you are bad. You would say, you are good, but you made a bad choice. Help your lovely daughter understand the difference between herself, who is always amazing and her choices and her actions. Confidence is bread in this step and is extremely important in the self-confidence of young girls.

5 Do not be afraid to sit in the dark with your little angel. When they have had a bad day and they feel no one likes them anymore sit with them. We are quick to say, but honey, you are amazing. Or something like, well that other person is not nice so just ignore them. That does not make our little girls feel better. It does nothing for them. Sitting in the dark with them means telling them about a time you have felt like they are feeling. Tell them how you felt. It is better that they understand sometimes life is not perfect and they will feel knocked down, but make sure they know they are not alone. They are not the first to feel this way or the last. As women we excel in community and understanding. Raise her confidence by sharing with her she is not alone.

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Beleife Systems, Career, Change, Children, Financial, Job, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships, Uncategorized

The Perfect Girl

 

 

Is Perfection the only thing that makes you credible?

What makes a woman credible?

 

According to the Oxford Dictionary Credible chiefly means “able to be believed; convincing. What does a women need to do, be or have before she is considered credible?

 

It is understood by many to, “Never put something out to the world if it is less than perfect. Never say something if it is not perfect. Never do something that is not perfect; because when you do that, it makes you not credible, and no one believes you or takes you seriously.”

 

IS THAT A TRUE STATEMENT?

 

 

That statement made me apple throwing mad! Looking at the entire statement from an expanded perspective, it says, “We are not enough. We must be perfect for people to take us seriously. To be someone that people believe in and admire, we must be perfect”.

 

A woman who has tattoos all over her body and sun-bleached skin… what kind of woman do you believe her to be? A woman with kids running around the store is what type of mother? There must be a loving place in our society where our unique differences can be accepted, appreciated and encouraged.

 

Does the woman who has a clean house, a booming career, who takes her kids to school every morning and picks them up at the end of the day, who volunteers on Parent Council, who always has a clean car inside and out, who has her hair always perfectly in place, who always has her make–up on, and all her clothes are brand name seem credible to you? What do you think of that woman?

 

You think she has it all together. You believe what she says and does because it looks like she has the perfect life, and you want the perfect life, so you admire her because she convinces you that she has it all figured out.

 

The problem is we only see what she is letting us see; we only see the mask of her perfection. But what would happen if she showed the world her true self? What if she showed the tears she cried, her insecurities, and feelings of being a complete failure? What if she showed you that she hates how big her hips are, although she is a size 6? Is she still credible? Do you still believe she has it all together, even though she is no longer perfect? Do you still want to be like that woman, or take advice from her?

 

As the other woman, do you still believe she has it all together or do you now judge her? Do you chit-chat with your friends about how the perfect woman cried, or how she was late one day picking up her kids, or she showed up with no make-up on?

 

Do you outcast her so you do not bring attention to your own inner demons, which you are so desperately trying to hide, so that others will find you perfect and believe in you?

 

What then happens when you cannot hide your own inner demons anymore and the world finds out that you are not perfect at all? In fact your perfection was an illusion. Now that the world can see you, the true real you, are you credible, or are you one of those women who “just do not have their shit together”?

 

If we as women look like we cannot handle all the balls we are throwing up in the air at one time, we are not credible. When we are not perfect, we are not credible. When we cannot do everything perfectly, then no one takes us seriously.

 

What would it look like when we can look at the people in our lives and say “Hey, you know what…. you don’t have it all together, but you are figuring it out. You are letting yourself be seen through the brilliance of being vulnerable”.

 

We often try so desperately to hide any form of vulnerability, in the belief it is associated with weakness. However, what if it is not a weakness, but strength? What if vulnerability is the place of connection, love, joy, understanding and acceptance? What if it’s a place you can talk about your imperfections openly, and not feel alone in this “big ol’ world”.

 

What would it mean for women today when being credible and believable is being seen for who and what we truly are, and accepting ourselves and each other for our courage in doing just that. What would it look like when each one of us took responsibility today for the loving outcome of tomorrow.

 

That is the kind of “Today” I would like to be part of!

 

 

 

 

 

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Beleife Systems, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships

Do you want me or need me?

Want vs Need

What is the difference in a relationship between want and need?

I have been doing a lot of research lately and the evidence is clear that when you are in a relationship it is a bigger turn on to be wanted then needed.  When you are wanted or wanting someone else there is a level of desire, of distance, of mystery.   Thinking about this, this morning, I concluded, the reason why being needed is so important in a relationship is that it provides security.  You want someone to need you to ensure they still want you.

Interesting discovery!

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Beleife Systems, Career, Change, Children, Financial, Job, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships

Feeling Bad = More Bad

Have you ever wondered if you maybe addicted to the feeling flirting gives you?

 

Have you ever really enjoyed the feeling you get when you flirt.  So much so that it makes you want to do it again and again. You feel alive and free, like you are being truly seen for the sweet, sexy rock start that lives deep within, the one that is not acceptable to come out to play often, if ever.

 

So now you are flirting, you are having fun, but a guilt feeling starts to arise within you.  Is this wrong, would my spouse be made and the question of maybe I should stop occurs to you.

 

So you stop, but the longer you stop the more you think about how incredible the flirting made you feel and the more think about that the more guilt arises up, up, up.

 

Here is my question….do we continue to flirt because we love the feeling or because in some way it covers up the guilt we felt in the first place. I mean if we flirt a little more, the thing we did before is not so bad. Now we just have to cover up this flirting guilt, so we do it again and flirt even bigger and so on and so on. You get the picture….yes?

 

What would it look like if when we did something that we felt bad for or guilty for we allowed ourselves to forgive and move forward with no residual guilt. Would we continue to do things we feel are wrong to cover up the feelings of the last thing we did that we feel is wrong or would we be able to let go and grow.

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Beleife Systems, Career, Change, Children, Financial, fired, Job, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships

How do you know if you are Enough?

What does it look like when you wake up in the morning and you are enough?

 

“Come on Jonny, you can do it.  Keep going you could go pro if you tried harder, worked longer, wanted it bad enough.  You could be the BEST.”

Jonny played hockey when he was a young boy.  Although his parents thought skating 7 days a week and practice, practice, practice was the best thing for Jonny, he never improved much.   He made the team, but just barely.  This particular team would go out of town for tournaments and Jonny’s parents would send him with a team member’s family. His parents never attended the out of town games.  Low and behold, when Jonny was out of town he played like a star.  Skated faster, got more goals and was an enthusiastic team member. Then he would come back home and be just an average player.

Hockey was never about young Jonny.  Hockey was about his parents.  It would not matter what he did, how he played, he would NEVER be ENOUGH for his family until he was THE BEST.

Jonny’s parents put him in other sports along the way, always wanting him to be THE BEST, not to do his best, but be THE BEST.  Anything less was just not good enough.

Eventually little Jonny just stopped trying. Unless he was going to be the best, there was no point doing anything.  He was now completely conditioned that he would never be enough.”

 

While I was on my way to Florida this February, I sat down beside a man that is in the grocery business.  In a matter of 10 minutes I knew he was a lovely man, a kind man and an ambitious man.   We entertained each other with a long 3 hour delightful conversation.  At one point we were talking about motivation and what it means to always be reaching and stretching for bigger and better.  With a renewed hunger for success I started to think about that concept and although I understand it as many of us do, I think it sucks!

I know the feeling waking up every morning yearning, searching, trying to be more so I can have more.  It is always, more, more, more, a longing, a sense of deprivation.  The implication that comes with more, more, more is that you are not enough now. Many of us have this idea that once we have accomplished our goals, aspirations, then we will be enough. But until that day we are far from enough.

 

Ask yourself this question – What would it look like if every day you woke up and first thing you did is recognize you are enough.  DONE!  END OF STORY!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Depletion
Enough
ROCK STAR!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Most of us wake up in the morning and begin our day in the state of depletion.  One the one side there is deprivation and depletion, you are not enough.  When you are here, things are never good, there is always something that you have to be doing or thinking before you are enough.

In the middle you are enough, this is the place of peace when you wake up.

On the other side you have achieved your goals and dreams….your MORE.

Being enough is in the middle, you have to get to that point in order to have what you desire.  You will not only have it, but you will feel complete while achieving it.  You will not be running from a place of less, a place of not enough.

You cannot go from a place of depletion straight to achievement.  You have to pass through the middle, so why not start in the middle.  This way you do not have to catch up or bail yourself out of a deep whole before heading toward your dreams and aspirations.

Anything you achieve beyond the neutral state of I am enough is a bonus, but it does not define you, it cannot define you because you are enough.   You are still stretching and reaching for a higher place, we all are because life is seeking a fuller, freer, expanded expression through each one of us.  That expression can never be fully met until we recognize that we are enough today, this very minute.

What could you accomplish if you woke up tomorrow morning and you were enough, just the way you are.  What could you do from a place of enough, vs a place of depletion?

You are enough right now.  Move forward at an expedited rate with a passion, zest and confidence.

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Change, Children, Job, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships

Do you ever wonder if you are significant?

 

 

The other day I was being interviewed for an article the paper was writing about my father and his building company, Valleyrausshomes.com.  As the interviewer and I were introducing ourselves and having small chat, something remarkable was discovered.

In 2005 I worked for that paper in the advertising department. It was a contract and near the end, my former employer called me back for another contract with them.  Everyone there was very kind, bought me a nice gift and wrote kind words on a card about how I would be missed.  I have to admit, I took that at surface value. I did not think I really made a difference there or would be missed. It was just another stop on my road and no one would remember once I was gone.

Now is it 2015, 10 years later and as I am having this conversation with the man from the paper, he does not only remember me, but I was in his department. He was my bosses, bosses boss.  I had no recollection of him at first.  After we started to speak, I vaguely remembered him and his office he use to sit in. I do recall always being a bit afraid of the big boss man in the office though.

As we stood across from one another he continued to tell me that he remembers me and remembers I am the girl they so desperately did not want to lose.  They tried to keep me, however budgets would not allow it.

I had no idea that what I did had such an impression that is trickled up the line so high. I had no idea that 10 years later that lasting impression would surface, nor did I know what that impression was.

There was a time I may have questioned my significance, as I am sure so many of us do. But no more.

When you think you do not matter, or no one cares, you are not seen or heard, remember this blog post.

Remember you are SIGNIFICANT.

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