Beleife Systems, Change, Personal Development, Perspectives, Uncategorized

The Box

So many of us walk around with a big cloud of heavy emotion intertwined within our cells. Some of us know what it is on our own and others need help to discover what it is, that thing, that feeling that is making us feel so lousy.
I have had many clients whether it be grief, anger of fear, it keeps them hostage to experiencing a life less then fully lived. They have a deep resistance to let it go. Sometimes it is because they have lived with it so long and are scared to feel how it would feel without it. Others times it is because they feel they may need that feeling or emotion at some point and do not want to get rid of it, just in case.
For example, I have a client who was experiencing a lot of anger. It was coming out in their marriage, their career, they were drinking more, and they would react negatively to almost every situation. I asked them why they resisted letting go of the anger. Now, please note, anger alone is a very positive emotion, it creates movement, however when there is so much of it and it becomes stagnate, it can cause us harm. Harm in our external experience and our internal bodies. Throughout their session it became clear that they were fearful of the world we live in and wanted to keep the rage and anger, in case they ever needed it to defend and protect. It made complete sense, however their life is not currently in danger and the rage and anger were actually harming their life.
Another client was holding on to loss and the guilt over the loss. They felt that if they let that go, they were dishonoring the loss. The guilt they were caring around was affecting their life dramatically. They were using the guilt and the loss as a way to continuously self sabotage themselves whenever things started to look “too good”.
What to do?
If you are experiencing an excess of emotion or feeling that you are resisting getting rid of, all you have to do is imagine a box to the right or left of your head. Ask all the excess emotional energy to go into that box for safe keeping. Know you can reach up and grab all that emotion anytime you need to. What this does it places the excess energy in a special spot. You still have access to it, but it does not overtake and control your life. These clients did just that, when the emotion comes up, the feeling, the memory, they just place it in the box for safe keeping and keep moving forward.
Works like a charm.
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Beleife Systems, Career, Change, Children, Personal Development, Perspectives, Uncategorized

You are too sensitive.

You are sensitive, that is what he said. Yes I am sure that is true, in fact I know it is true.
Why would some people be more sensitive than others? Could it be because those people have seen more, experienced more, felt more and connected to more?
Could it be because those people have a deep connection to the outcomes, immediate and long term of words, feelings and actions from our history and today?
Being sensitive means being connected, being in touch. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive.
If anyone has ever said that to you in a negative way, please remember this: Being sensitive, helps you be a kind human. When someone says or does something that hurts you or makes you angry, do not hold the other person who has brought forth your sensitivity hostage. You will want to free them so you can heal and you can connect and use the learning to help others.
We are shown how we can be of the greatest use to this world, by being shown what we are sensitive about.
Go on, be sensitive, I dare you.

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Uncategorized

What Love Can Do

Do you remember being around somebody that is complaining and then you start complaining or someone is worried and then you start to worry or someone is angry with their boss and then you get angry at that boss too?
So many times we jump onto the bandwagon of negativity. What I have found the most helpful in my life is, instead of jumping on the band of negativity, I hold a place of love for the desired outcome.

Think of it this way, if you’re driving and you see someone has driven into the ditch do you a drive into the ditch? If you do, then there are two of you in the ditch and although you maybe great company now you have an even bigger problem, because two of you need to be pulled out, not just one.
If however you decide to stay on the shoulder of the road, throw them a tow rope, then you can pull them out. You can help them come up from the ditch because you stayed up and did not drive down to where they were.
That is really what holding a space of love is at all about. It is about not jumping down into the gutter with someone else. It is about holding a space of love for them to rise up too.
There were two brothers that got into an argument that could have easily divided an extremely close family. Each brother had 3 daughters. Although the daughters did not consciously know what they were doing, they stuck together and they kept holding the vision holding a place for their two fathers to rekindle. Years went by and nothing happened but the girls remained tight. Then eventually they were at a gathering and to everyone’s surprise, they saw their fathers starting to laugh, to smile, to talk.
Things will never be as they were, but those two brothers laugh and joke and excel in each other’s company to this day. Each time the girls see their fathers rekindling brotherly love they look at one another and smile. They did not know what they did, but I do. Those girls did not jump down into the gutter with their fathers. They held a place of love for the two brothers. They did not meet them in their anger, in their fear, in their worry. They stayed above it all so the brothers had a place to rise out and up to.
Hold a space of desired outcome. Hold a space of love. When you pray, pray with a held space for love. For this is just one more way love is saving each of us, love is saving our world.

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Career, Change, Job, Uncategorized

Why do people Quit?

The number one reason people quit is because “it” has not happened yet. In today’s world of immediate gratification, many of us forget the skill and the benefit of hard work, sticking it out and resilience.
That being said that same mindset can keep us stuck in unhappiness and contraction. It would be beneficial for us to embrace the concept of quitting as well. (Some of you reading would benefit by embracing the concept of sticking with it, while others of you will benefit from the concept of letting go. This blog is for the people needing some help letting go.)
As humans we are continually seeking fuller, expanded expression. To fulfill that longing we have to be able to let go of the old, embrace the present to make way for the future. Each thing we do is a stepping stone to where life wants us to be, to do the best work we can do. If your dream is to be a public speaker, life may have to take you on a few different paths to help you gain skills and raise your confidence. It may not look like the path to becoming a speaker at the time, however upon reflection you know you were on the perfect path to prepare you to share you gifts with the world. Please do not be afraid to do something new. Do not be scared of shifting your focus. If it is calling you, move towards it. Try something that makes your energy, your heart expand. I remember when my husband got laid off from a job he was with for 10 plus years. After that it took 4 years and various companies for him to find his current company. A company that fits him perfectly. The people, the management, the work, the timing, the pay. He had to be able to start at other companies, and leave them for him to end up in that “perfect” place. Trust yourself, try something new. Ensure you give it the time it needs for your expansion. There is a difference between quitting because it is not happening yet, and moving in the direction that expands you.

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Career, Change, Children, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships, Uncategorized

BUSTING THROUGH BULLYING

Bullying is not a new behavior. It is as old as time and it does not seem to matter where you are, if you look round you can see some type of bullying. Whether that be on the school yard, in a family, or at work. The dictionary describes bullying as: use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants. I describe it as a person whose heart is hurt. Here are 5 ways you can help yourself and others, regardless of age, handle bullies.
You must first understand your energy. Everything is energy and there is something in your energy that you are giving off that allows you to be a target for being mistreated. The best news about this is, that you can change that. I will share with you some ways how to do that.

1 Confidence has a big part to play here. Chances are you have felt that for some reason you are not enough. Because you do not fit into the norm, you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. Write a list of all the things that make you “different” then beside that write down the best parts about each of those things.

2 Love and forgiveness are essential when dealing with a bully. Not just for yourself, but for the other person. The bully is bullying you to take the pressure and attention off of them. The problem is when we are scared or even hate them, it lowers our vibration and weakens our energy. People are either calling for love or giving love. The problem is so many are unskilled at their calling for love. Try sending a mental prayer to the bully. When we hold hate, we have to be on guard of it. It takes our time, our attention and our energy. This simple intention will shift your energy and confidence. Even the bully has a story and although it is not right what they are doing, by sending love it shifts both of your energy. Remember, you may be the first person that has shown them compassion.
Example: I do not like the way you behave and it is not right. Your heart must be broken. I wish for healing for you. (said in your mind)

3 No one can make you feel any way in which you do not give them permission to make you feel. It is as if you have a crystal within your heart and when someone is mean to you and you feel sad because of it, it is only because you have allowed that other person to have power over you. You have allowed them to have your crystal. Mentally take your crystal back, knowing that no one can get to you when your crystal is home in your heart.

4 – 1-2-3 Rule – Follow this basic guideline.
Step 1, ask the person to stop
Step 2, tell an adult, if you are an adult, share what is happening with another person. Shame and blame love secrets and they grow in environments of silence. Share what is going on, with a trusted friend, family member or a counselor.
Step 3 – Stand up for yourself. We know physical violence is not the answer, however there are other ways to stand up to someone.

5 – Remember this is happening for a higher purpose. Help someone else. You know how it feels to be bullied. When you see someone else who is sad, angry, upset, lend a hand, an ear, or a shoulder. What you have experienced is not wasted. You have been chosen to experience it so that you can help others.
You are stronger then you will ever know. You are smarter than most and your heart is big and beautiful. The world needs you to shine, so don’t let someone with a hurt heart dim your light. Rise above and become someone they can aspire to be. Remember, maybe they have not had the guidance to be bright and loving. Maybe they are being bullied. None of that makes it ok. Compassion is one of the best healers and confidence builder.

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Change, Children, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships, Uncategorized

How To Raise A Confident Daughter

A Confident Daughter!

As I watch young girls today, I remember how it felt to be going through the changes, the insecurities, and the feeling of being invisible. I do not recall the age I started to loose my confidence, looking back I just thought it was something I never had.
What can we do as mothers to help these beautiful souls through this transition time, the transition to unconditional self-love?
Here are 5 ways I have found very useful. I hope they are to you as well.

1 I have noticed that young girls talk, and they talk a lot, about nothing necessary in particular. They need to give you every single detail and play by play. Does your daughter ever come up to you while you are texting, or sending an email and just start to talk? They talk and talk and they know you are not 100% listening. I can only imagine what that is telling their little brains. (No one really wants to hear what I have to say. What I say is not important.) The list must go on and on. The problem is we as parents and them as children are not even aware of it.

When you are doing something and she comes up and starts talking, turn to her and say, “What you have to say is very important, you do not have my full attention right now. Can you please wait a moment and I will let you know when you do have my full attention. “Finish what you are doing and then sit down with her and ask her about the 5 most important parts of the story. That is if you don’t have time to hear the entire thing.

2 Provide as much one on one time with your young lady. It does not have to be an entire day, but if it is, enjoy as the things you can learn from her are amazing. Even if you just have 15 minutes a day to hang out, read and do something she enjoys. Just ensure she gets all of your attention during that time.

3 Most of the time, your daughters are going to turn into a little mini you. When they talk, or laugh, or wine, or do anything people may say.. oh you are just like your mom. In those minutes PLEASE own your awesomeness. There is nothing to be embarrassed about here. She is a beautiful, untainted reflection of your spirit. As you love her unconditionally, you must love yourself unconditionally.
4 It is important to separate our daughters from their actions. For example, never say to your child, you are bad. You would say, you are good, but you made a bad choice. Help your lovely daughter understand the difference between herself, who is always amazing and her choices and her actions. Confidence is bread in this step and is extremely important in the self-confidence of young girls.

5 Do not be afraid to sit in the dark with your little angel. When they have had a bad day and they feel no one likes them anymore sit with them. We are quick to say, but honey, you are amazing. Or something like, well that other person is not nice so just ignore them. That does not make our little girls feel better. It does nothing for them. Sitting in the dark with them means telling them about a time you have felt like they are feeling. Tell them how you felt. It is better that they understand sometimes life is not perfect and they will feel knocked down, but make sure they know they are not alone. They are not the first to feel this way or the last. As women we excel in community and understanding. Raise her confidence by sharing with her she is not alone.

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Beleife Systems, Career, Change, Financial, Personal Development, Perspectives, Uncategorized

A New Operating System

We all know to change our results, we have to change our thinking. We have to change the patterns that are going on in our mind and allow our actions to reflect that change.
Implementing a new operating system for your mind can take time and it can feel uncomfortable. So much so, that it becomes easy and tempting to go back to the old system. Even though the old system is not what you want running your life, because you did not like the results from that system. It sometimes feels more comfortable then the transition to the new one.
My old system was programmed to tell me to be busy all the time and that would equal the success I wanted. I find out that system must have had a bug in it, because it was the farthest thing from the truth. I missed time with my kids, with my husband, I was not bringing in the number of clients I wanted to or the finances. I was busy, busy all day long, but I am not sure what I got done. I knew I needed a new operating system. I have been at work building this system through personal development for many years, and just a few weeks ago I launched it. Man oh man, was it tough. I wanted to disconnect it and throw it away. My mind was used to being so busy and running every scenario every which way all day long. Now, my mind is still. It freaked me out a little bit. When I say still, I mean 100% improvement from before, but I still have work to do.
I called one of my beloved partners in believing and I said, I am losing my mind, there is nothing in there and it feels uncomfortable. HELP! We chatted. You see most of the time as women we just need someone to hold the space for us to figure our own stuff out. I have manifested the best partners in believing in the world.
The longer the new system was running, the more and more comfortable with it I have become.
Change takes time. It does not always feel good. It is like a mud bath, icky while you are in it, but you come out glowing. If you want something different, you have to do something different. You cannot solve a problem with the same level of mind that created that problem. Go ahead, get comfortable being uncomfortable. Close the door behind you and start thinking your way to the success you desire with your new system. Your system may break down from time to time, but that is why you have surrounded yourself with amazing partners, so they can hold a space for you to fix your loose wire and carry on.

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