“He is always interrupting me”, said my husband.
The physiologist said that my child interrupts because he does not care what anyone else is saying. He is attached to what he wants to say and do and that is the end of the story.
Last night my husband and I were talking about how, not only does our son interrupt him, I often interrupt him. We are doing some relationship work through Alison Armstrong and I said to him, I am completely aware I interrupt you and am working on it, but do you know why I interrupt you so much? He said no. So I told him. “When I interrupt you it is because I have a thought and if I do not say it, it is gone. When my thought is gone, so is my attention and then when you are done talking and it is my turn, I say nothing because I have nothing to say. I have to work very hard to keep my thought in my mind and not interrupt. When I do that though, sometimes I do not hear you either because I just keep saying my thought over and over again so that I remember it when you are done talking. Sometimes I write down my thought so I can listen and pay attention more clearly.”
I am not saying that I should always be able to interrupt him when he is speaking. I am sharing why I do it and why it is hard to not do it.
This plays into our parenting because our son will interrupt people when they are talking and my husband will tell him to wait and then after, my son has forgotten what he was going to say and my husband picks at him, saying, Oh I guess it was not even important if you cannot remember it. It infuriates me.
It was not until last night when we had this conversation about why I interrupt so much that my husband realized what was going on with our son and that his response was harsh. I am blessed to have a husband that is able to look at things from a different perspectives. It was great for me too because of what I go through and always have. I just assumed everyone was like that. It turns out, that is not the case. My husband asked me if every time he comes down on our son for interrupting, I feel attacked, because I am a lot like our son in a lot of ways. The truth is I do and that is why I am continuously running to his defense, which also causes issues in our marriage. I will blog on the defensive mom soon.
For now, remember these strategies:
1 – Seek first to understand. There is a reason people behave the way they do
2 – Get a piece of paper so the child/adult can write down their thought
3- Ensure you practice what you preach, do not interrupt others if you do not want them to interrupt you.
4 – Help them remember