Beleife Systems, Children, Parenting, Personal Development, Perspectives, Relationships

Chapter #4 – Love Language of Gifts


Some peoples primary love language is that of gifts.   A gift does not have to be big or small, expensive or inexpensive because it is the thought that counts.   However not the thought left in your head that counts, it is the gifts that come out of the thoughts that communicated emotional love that counts.  Some gifts last a lifetime such as a rocking chair given by a husband to his wife when they had a child and now he has long passed and she still has the gift of the chair and all the memories it holds.


It is not sufficient to give a gift to cover a wrong doing or give in place of spending time with someone, a child, a spouse, a family member. A gift is not a gift if given for something in return.  A gift is something that has an attachment of love to it.  A gift can be from a picked flower your child gave you and the gift will wilt and die, but the memory of the gift, the feeling it generated will live forever.


People speak about what interests them and if you listen you will know what little or big gifts you can give them. It is important to be sensitive to the nature of some gifts.  Not everyone’s primary love language is gifts and it may make them uncomfortable at first.  I was like that we I first met my husband.  That is changing now, but back then I did not want any gifts and thought they were a waste of money or something I would have to pay back, (as in get him a bigger better ) or I would feel bad if I did not spend as much on his gift. (Yes, I have some major receiving issues – HADJ)  I did not realize at the time gifts were a language of love.  I was tight with my money. I would rather save then spend. In the book the author speaks of how by saving and investing your money you are purchasing self-worth and emotional security.  You are caring for your own emotional needs in the way you handle money.  If you are with someone whose primary language is gifts and you are a saver and do not see why you would spend money of a gift just to make someone feel loved check out this perspective: Your are investing in your relationship and filling the others persons emotional love tank.   The other is not material for wanting gifts; it is just there way of knowing they are loved.  It is what makes them feel loved most deeply.  The purpose of a gift is to emotional communicate. Gifts are not about the gifts, but the emotional significance of the gift, knowing someone is thinking of them.


Gifts are not always romantic either. In the book there is a man that goes away on business and knows his co-workers son loves baseball cards, so he gets some when he goes away for the boy. The mom and the boy are thrilled.  It is just a nice thing to do. You can speak the love language of gifts or any of them for that mater to anyone you care about, not just those you are in a relationship with. How about your family, friends, coworkers?


Gary writes” Love can be expressed and received in all five languages.  However, if you don’t speak a person’s primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four.  Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.


Things to think about:

  1. To what degree was the love language of gifts spoken by your parents to you and to each other?
  2. Ho w often do you give gifts to those you love and care for?
  3. 3. What is the last gift you gave and to whom did you give it?
  4. 4 – Do you find speaking the love language of gifts difficult, or does it come naturally for you? Why?
  5. In your conversation with others, do you consciously listen for gift ideas? Would keeping a gift list in your notebook be helpful for you?
  6. If you enjoy receiving gifts, from whom would you most like to receive one? Would it be appropriate for you to give this person a gift this week?



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