The 5 Love languages – Gary Chapman
Through my coaching, numerous people have stated to ask the question, “Where is He?, Where is She?” Why can I not find “the one”. “I have someone, but I am not happy with them.”
I had ordered a book a while back titled, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and it popped out off my book shelf at me the other day with the notion to read it and write about it. I want to provide some perspective to those currently in a relationship, and those searching for a relationship they would love to be in.
The first question that arose within is this, Are you lonely?
Loneliness can mean so many things, virginity, feeling left behind, not belonging, grieving, loss of connection, insecurity. You can be with someone and still be lonely. When we loose or are without a sense of connection our world feels inadequate, we feel lost and alone. It is not just the connection we have with others that is essential, although important. It is the connection we have within ourselves that is the most important and the one that needs to be met first. That leads us into self love and acceptance, not just any self love and acceptance, the unconditional kind. First for our self, then for others.
Giving an receiving love is at the center of every single adults sense of well-being. If you feel loved and needed, you can survive the pressure of life, but without love, life can become exceedingly bleak. It is essential that you become the thing you need most. For example; if you need to feel safe with your partner, you first have to not only be a safe place for others, you have to be safe place for yourself. If your safe place looks like a place of unconditional love and understanding, you first have to give yourself permission to basically give yourself a break, laugh at you. Become vulnerable. – Scary word, I know. I will write more about that word in later posts.
Love is the fundamental building block of all human relationships. In this chapter Gary speaks of a man that was going through a very difficult time in his life and he credits a lot of his current health to a female friend that loved him and life and helped him through the dark times. They were not in a relationship, just in a loving friendship. What would it look like if you allowed yourself to be in love with many people, friends, family, strangers, enemies. The man said it was something about the way she spoke to god that gave him hope. There was a light in her, that he could see, there was a love in her that he held onto until he could be full of the bright light love as well. How you do one thing in your life, is how you do everything. If you want to be loved, then love.
At the end of each chapter Gary lists some questions to ask yourself. I have posted them here. Take some time and be honest with yourself. What does love mean to you. Are there many forms of love? Is it safe to love many people. Is it ok to tell those people you love them?
2- In a time of need, have you experienced the love of a friend? You would not have made it through without it?
3- Have you been a friend to some in in need, how did you express your love
4- How successful have you been in giving and receiving emotional love (many times we are better at one then the other)
5- How interested are you in studying the nature of love and learning new ways to express love?